NFL PICKS WEEK 5

Every week there are 4 games that I love. This week is more of the same. I care about all of you, I mean it. So please bet these games because I want everyone to prosper like I inevitably will.

1) Tampa Bay +2.5 at San Francisco

I really can't believe that Tampa Bay is the underdog considering they have a noticeably better team than the 49ers. Probably has to do with SF upsetting Philly last week, but I ain't buying that shit. Tampa Bay will go to SF and mash some heads this Sunday, and the fact that they are GETTING 2.5 is going to seal the deal. Niners suck, don't last weeks game fool you. Tampa has exceptionally better quarterback play and you can make an argument that they have better players at just about every single offensive position.

TAMPA BAY +2.5

2) San Diego -4 at Denver

The only problem with the Chargers is they always play down to their competition. Week in and week out they seem to win or lose by a touchdown, regardless if they are playing New England or Kansas City. This week I think they break that trend. Love the Chargers here to demolish the Broncos. The Broncos are so shitty, maybe even the worst team in the NFL. Chargers win this game easily, by at least 10 points, probably more. Give the 4 points to those lowly Broncos, it'll be a fantastic decision. 

SAN DIEGO -4

3) Cincinnati +1.5 at Jacksonville

Yo real talk: Bengals are much better than anyone thought. This season they are 3-1 Against The Spread, while the Jags are only 1-3 ATS. Love Bengals here to demolish the Jags, I just don't think they will be able to keep up with the Bengals on either side of the ball. Forget the ATS stats for a second, the Jaguars are the favorite. I repeat, the Jaguars are the favorite. I think Vegas must have taken like 11 Quaaludes before putting out the spread on this game because no way should the Jags be the favorite. Take the 1.5 points and bust a nut when the Bengals win by 10.

CINCINNATI +1.5

4) New Orleans -6.5 at Carolina

Been listening to a lot of analysts and sports radio talk show hosts and it seems like everyone loves Carolina for the upset here. Really? Like ok, I get that Cam Newton is playing very well and the Saints pass defense hasn't played up to its expectations this season but...really? Panthers? You guys don't think Drew Brees just goes OFF on the Panthers D? You don't think Sproals busts out one of those patented 70 yard TD runs where he slips and slides his way past everyone? I do. I really do. I don't care if Newton puts up 400 yards and 3 TDs because Brees will have 420 yards and 5 TDs. I'll easily front the Panthers a touchdown in this one. If you side with the analysts picking the Panthers here, feel free. When you go 3-1 and this is the only game you missed in your parlay, I'll be there for you. Just kidding go fuck yourself. Take the Saints or get the fuck out.

NEW ORLEANS -6.5